What You Accept, You Invite.

Deciding to change your life takes more than those giant leaps of proclamation. We tend to think that if we just profess what we want loud enough that the Universe will step in and give it to us, and that if we don't receive it right away, it wasn't meant for us. What we tend to miss is how much the small stuff comes into play in the bigger picture.

If we do not back up our words with actions, it's easy not to reach our goals and become frustrated by what continues to show up in our lives even after we've decided we don't want it anymore.

Deciding what you want means getting clear on what the boundaries around that decision are. A decision not to take up the slack at work when others aren't doing their job, for example, means being mindful of when their lack of action comes down on your desk. What are you going to do in that moment? If you accept it, it tends to invite more of that behavior. You've essentially just trained that person that they can do what they like, and you'll pick up the slack. If you can hold your boundary, you let them know that you will not pick up their lack of action, and they learn that they can't get away with that behavior with you.

I know this is a double-edged sword for someone who doesn't like to look like they're not a team player or let the job not get done. But, once you've decided that you're not going to do it, then follow through must come.

Say what you mean, and mean what you say. Words need backup to have substance; otherwise, they are just pretty little sentences that sound good in a meme.

Setting the boundary and then following through isn't always easy, though. It means that you have to choose you. Choosing you first isn't always easy for people who struggle to set clear boundaries. These are often the very caring people, who want to be helpful, and are sometimes even suffering from a feeling of "not enough." Their actions are tied to feelings of worth, which makes it really confusing.

To separate feelings of worth from the action of doing takes effort, and often the support of a good life coach or other professional to help you. As you work through the steps of getting there, you'll be facing the fears that come up in the process.

Yes, I said, facing the fears. It's only when we can look at the fear that we can see it for what it truly is. So much of the time, it's a mechanism trying to keep us safe (whether the threat is real or perceived). When we take the time to look at it directly, we can see it for what it really is, and it can begin to look a lot differently. It's like seeing shadows in the dark and fearing the worst. When you turn on the light, we usually see that rather than a threatening figure, it was just the shadow of a piece of furniture or the way the light hits the wall at that time of night.

So, with kindness, I remind you. It's time to stop accepting what you don't want any more unless you want to keep inviting it in.